I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
