Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
