Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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