Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
