I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Randomize
