Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
