so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
