you traded sex for a burrito?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
