Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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