Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You ruined the universe
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
