May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
