at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
