every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
