dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
