Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
