My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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