Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
