Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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