oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
