dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
