Four minutes until I can fart!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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