who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
