you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize