are you still at the devil's house?
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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