at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
