He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
