You made me cry and you don't even care
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
