As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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