Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
