Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
