Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
