I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
