dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
