Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
