Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
