atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
