I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
