Where is the hickey?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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