smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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