singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize