Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
