She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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