mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
