you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
