Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
