i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
