After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
