I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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