If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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