hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
