OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she peed on how many people?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
