No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
