i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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