You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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