dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
