Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
