He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
