So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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