Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
