I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
