I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
