u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
