Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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