my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
And then he peed in my hair
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
