butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You can't special order awesome
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize