You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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