I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
