I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
