You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
