So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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